in the abyss of thoughts...

reminiscing..

2010-01-22T23:44:00.000-08:00

ewan. feeling ko ang evil ko na naman. pakiramdam ko wala akong ginagawang masama pero parang ang evil ko, labo noh?

anyway..

kahapon kasi habang wala akong ginagawa nasip kong magkalkal ng mga gamit ko sa bahay. tapos nakita ko yung backstabbing paper namin nung homeroom integration day... tapos naalala ko lahat.

grabe. di ko sila masisisi kung bakit tinutukso nila akong iyakin "dati" (medyo tumigil na sila ngaun), kasi iyakin naman talaga ako. habang nagkukwento ako nung day na yun, kahit gaano ko pinipigilan yung luha ko, hindi ko magawa. may mga bagay kasi na alam mong hindi mo kayang ilabas pero yun ang dapat. sa palagay ko naman may katuturan yung pag-iyak ko dun, kahit paano naman siguro may natutunan sila sa akin noh. marami akong natutunan sa kanila. sobra.

may isa kaming kaklase tapos hindi ko siya makalimutan kasi natakot ako sa kanya. sabi kasi sa "philosophy" niya, don't be too attached to your friends. basta ganun. may paikot-ng-computer-chair effect pa nung sinasabi niya yun. aaminin ko sobrang attached ako sa friends ko, as in. pag nagkaron ako ng kaibigan super pinapahalagahan ko talaga. sa dorm kasi, wala akong ibang pamilya kundi ang mga kaibigan ko. hindi ko maimagine ang sarili ko na walang kaibigan. nung narinig ko yung "philosophy" niya, inisip ko na baka ayaw niya sakin. alam niya naman ako, dakilang paranoid pagdating sa mga ganyan. bakit kaya niya nasabi yun? ewan ko rin. peo siguro meron siyang deep reason na sa kanya na lang dapat. may advantage din naman pag ganun, kunwari mag-away kayo ng friend mo (wag naman sana..) ay hindi ka gaanong masasaktan dahil hindi ka nga ganun ka attached sa kanya. sana dati pa lang nalaman ko na yun, kaya nga ako nag-iiiyak nung homeroom integ dahil hindi ko nakayanan ang ka-evilan na ginawa ng tinuring kong bestfriend ko dahil nga attached ako sa kanya. o, diba? may point xa.

yung isang kaklase ko naman ay naatakot na baka dumating ang panahon na iiwan siya ng mga kaberks niya for a reason. basta ganun. pinipilit ko naman sabihin sa kanya na kahit anong oras ay welcome siya sa amin, di na niya kailangan baguhin ang sarili niya para makibagay. di naman namin sinabing kelangan nyang maging babaeng bakla para makasama samin or sumting. mas astig nga kung makikilala namin siya kung ano siya talaga. :D

so aion, ilang buwan na rin ang nakakalipas mula na marinig ko yun mula sa kanila.. at ngayong patapos na yung 3rd year, masasabi kong marami nang nagbago. mali rin pala yung mga iniisip ko tungkol sa kanila noon. masasabi kong kulang talaga ang isang taon para makilala namin ang isa't isa pero sa loob ng maikling panahon na iyon, nag-enjoy ako. pramis. not one section can compare to potassium. waah. ayan, maiiyak na naman ako. ayoko na.

babay.

trigger

2009-10-05T17:33:00.000-07:00

kumbaga sa baril, ako yung trigger. i've been told na malakas ang boses ko, and that was not the first time that a teacher told me how i interrupted our class with my loud voice. pero that was the first time na sobrang nagalit yung teacher tapos dinismiss niya yung class, AGAD, pati yung lab class niya nung hapon na yun.

hindi ko alam kung anong dapat kong ma-feel. in a way, nakakaguilty dun sa mga kaklase kong gustong matuto. taking into account kung gaano kabagal magturo yung teacher namin, yung 1 lost meeting na yun ay mahalaga. kung bagalan pa niya, sabi nga ng isa ko pang kaklase, baka next sem na kami matapos. pero hindi ako nagiguilty na malakas yung boses ko, kasi kahit anong gawin ko, ganun talaga ako. bata pa lang ako sinasabihan na ako na kailangan kong manahimik.. kahit sarili kong pamilya, gumagawa ng ways para mapatahimik ako... so ibig sabihin, kung magiguilty ako dahil sa malakas ang boses ko kanina, magiguilty ako all my life. gets? hindi ko siya kaya icontrol. pero ang alam kong kaya kong icontrol ay yung kung kailan ako dapat at hindi dapat nagsasalita. dyan pa siguro ako nagiguilty, pero hindi dahil malakas ang boses ko. haha. paikot-ikot lang yung sinabi ko.

malas ko lang talaga na nagsalita ako nung medyo nanahimik na yung mga tao... edi bonggang-bonggang pangingibabaw ng boses ko. well, alam kong dapat akong mag-sorry, in the same sense na dapat magsorry kaming lahat na hindi nakikinig at may ibang ginagawa. well, wala pa naman kasing papakinggan kasi nandun lang siya sa board.

ang guilty ay iba sa nakokosiyensya. hindi ako nakokonsiyensya na ipinakita kong hindi ako interesado kasi evil naman talaga ako.

i just didn't like the way that addressed me... i mean lahat nung sinabi niya, sinabi niya sakin. yung "ang lakas kasi ng boses mo" akin talaga yun, pero yung lahat hindi naman. my b**** self got the better of me kaya nung sabihin niyang uwian na, ipinakita ko talagang nagliligpit na ako ng gamit.

wala na. hindi ko rin gets yung point ng entry na ito. wala nga dapat ito kasi dapat ang ginagawa ko ngayon ay hum paper.. pero bago matapos, i think i owe my classmates an apology...

so imed, sorry. instead na tapos na yung lab niyo.. maeextend pa ng isang week.

babay.

7 states

2009-09-24T04:00:00.000-07:00

today was one of those days na gusto kong maalala kasi proud akong nasurvive ko siya. marami naman atang ganoong days, especially sa imed. haha. halimbawa na lamang ay sa monday. kalahati ng klase ay may reporting right before a major exam. so kumakamusta namang toxicity yan. ;)

umaga, ok pa ako kasi nagising ako namang maaga para simulan ang biolab rep. usually pag monday, nagjijip ako kasi mabilis pa maaga, pero dahil na-engross ako sa paggawa ng biolab, nalate na ako ng alis ng bahay.. so LRT na lang. naabutan ko sa station si tristan, tapos sinamahan ko siya. edi nandun kami sa male area. tapos nakakaguilty kasi 2 trains na ata yung pwede siya makisiksik, kung hindi lang niya ako kasama. eh nagmamadali pa pala siya. bukod sa bayani si tristan kasi sa halip na mag-jip (dahil nagmamadali nga siya) ay naglakad siya para makasilong ako sa payong niya, ang point ko ay... emotional state #1: guilt.

nagstart na maglecture si mam de vera, ok pa kasi nakukuha ko naman lahat. nang bigla siysang tumigil sa may bandang esopagus... dandandandan...... exam results! yung exam na pinaghandaan ko ng bonggang-bongga. nagstay ako sa medlib hanggang 9pm. ni-trans ko ang notes ko. sinagutan ko ang lahat ng homework. BUT NO! hindi ko ilalagay yung score ko pero i was 10 f***ing points lower than my second exam. bagong record. nabeat niya yung biolab second exam ko. ito na ngayon ang pinakamababa ko in my entire bio life. i know kadiri pero i as biting my finger, to keep myself from crying. plus ang aking nervous tick, ang pag-amoy sa buhok ko. habang nirerecall yung questions and answers, yun ang ginagawa ko.. while praying na hindi ko malampasan yung quota kong 1 failure a day (kasi alam kong ibibigay na in yung biolab). so again, ang point ko ay..
emotional state #2: self-pity.

habang papunta ng lounge, nagrant ako kay mark r. hindi pa ako nakuntento. hinila ko pa yug buddy ko palabas ng MSU tapos dun ako nagant sa kanya para hindi ako marinig ng mga tao (na parang wala nang saysay kasi nilagay ko na rin ito sa blog ko so basically nagant na ako sa buong mundo). pagkatapos niya akong bigyan ng advice, sabi ko "buddy pa-hug naman.." tapos ni-hug niya ako at sabi niya "next time wag dito, masyadong public..." HAHAHA. need i say more?
emotional state #3: hiya.

pagbalik ko sa lounge, ayaw talaga ng yahoo mail so nagcompshop na lang kami ni mark r. pagdating dun, nakita ko yung outlines na gawa ng groupmates ko tapos sobrang iba-iba ng format. yung iba kulang, yung iba sobra. pero yun naman ang job ko eh, so ok lang. tapos nalaman kong yung mga info na kailangan ko ay hindi nasend sa email ko. by then, i was silently summoning good mood kasi i was choosing over being angry at some of my groupmates for not doing what i expected or being angry at myself for not telling them what i expected. nanalo yung at myself. buti na lang. kasi as it turned out, wala naman pala talaga silang kasalanan pero they even tried to make up for it. so thanks natsci groupmates na makakabasa nito, and sorry na i haven't been the best leader i can be. so yun nga, after ko magcompshop, sobrang umuulan na pala. eh wala nga akong payong diba. mega sugod ako sa pazmen, hindi naman pala dun yung histo. so lalong najustify yung inis ko sa sarili ko. kaya ayan....
emotional state #4: naiinis.

pagkatapos ng histo, na may gwapong yoshitsune guy na may 24 karat gold glitters habang tumatalon nang mataas, hinintay ko si mark r. sa may biolab. ang tagal niya kaya nagpunta na lang ako sa alva (compshop na naman) para tapusin na yung outline. at natapos ko nga... nang maalala kong, may questions pa! for an hour siguro, dirediretso lang ako nag-imbento ng mga tanong na MC at T/F. minsan nga yung MC ginagawa kong fill in the blanks, at T/F na rin (like which of the ff. statements is true?). at hindi pa ako naglalunch nun. alam naman ng mga tao na iba ang effect sa akin ng gutom, napaka-detrimental niya kaya...
emotional state #5: pressured.

tapos biolab na. naayos naman yung natsci namin (thanks groupmates!). hindi ko na idedetail kasi medyo marami kaming ginawa sa biolab.. gaya ng job ni whatever na magsuck at magblow ng blood. kayo ha.... alam ko iniisip niyo. :)
gumawa ng solution gamit ang triple beam balance. first time ko yun, pramis. tapos siyempre, dumaldal like i always do. then.... biolab results! isa ang ang masasabi ko... YEY! kung anong ibinaba ko sa biolec, siyang itinaas ko sa biolab.. o higit pa. so YEY at emotional state #6: overjoyed.

tapos natsci. reporting ng group 1. wala naman anything super remarkable bukod dun sa instance na napatunayan naming "great minds think alike". haha. funny lang na may mga instances pang ganun. yung after natsci ang mas funny. technically hindi siya after natsci pero after natsci ikiniwento sakin. hindi ko pwedeng ikwento kasi hindi ko nga naman kwento yun pero basta. napatunayan kong hindi lang ako ang nagkamali sa mga bagay-bagay sa world, di ba tristan? hahahahahahaha. sorry na, funny lang talaga.
emotional state #7: relieved and "amazed". :)

ang haba naman ng entry na ito. medyo isang oras ko rin ito ginawa. pero ok lang. nag-enjoy naman ako sa pagrecount ng mga emotional states that i've been through today. sana lang magawa ko nang maayos ang p6 labrep at makadiscuss kami ng matino bukas for our analysis.

good night.

babay.

wala akong sasabihin..

2009-09-17T01:42:00.000-07:00

..kundi SALAMAT IPC-MATES. yeah. the eight of you. at to sir/dr. leslie din, kung mabasa niyo man po blog ko. thanks for all the understanding, patience, concern, appreciation and love. i couldn't thank you enough. i also couldn't imagine how yesterday's class would be if you were not my IPC-mates. despite everything.. oh, EVERYTHING that happened, i wouldn't have it any other way. ngayon ko lang kasi naprocess yung mga bagay-bagay.. pinostpone ko muna kasi may biolec. naisip kong it was a huge step, at least for me. sori naman dito na lang ako nag-state of the IPC class address. kahit puro ____ lang nagawa ko kahapon, sana may natutunan rin kayo from me kasi honestly, ang dami kong natutunan from you.

o ayan ha, confidential talaga. haha.

kahit marami pa naman akong chance kasi magkakasama naman ata tayo forever, gusto ko lang sabihin na mahal na mahal ko kayong lahat. seryoso. *hug*

this is not just looking on the brighter side. this is looking at the bigger picture.

ayan, may happy entry na yung blog ko. after a series of sad entries. haha.

thanks nga rin pala sa block13. sana magawa natin yun more often. not the race ha, yung mga laro natin after. eric, the cartwheel lord. :)

catching up..

2009-08-20T01:53:00.000-07:00

isa't kalahating buwan na pala akong walang nasusulat sa planner ko. as in. dati para xang diary in bullet form, may keywords lang na magpapaalala sakin nung mga nangyari sa day na yun.

nung una nakakasulat pa ko everyday, bago ako matulog. nung magstart na maging toxic, parang every weekend na lang. ang hirap nga magrecount ng mga nangyari ng buong week, pero pinipilit ko pa rin. or pag wala na talagang time, nirerecord ko na lang (mas mabilis ikwento kaysa isulat). tapos dati every week may collage ako ng pics kasi everyday ko naman dala cam ko. ngayon, sa sobrang parati ko na syang nakakalimutan dalhin, namisplace ko na yung battery ng cam ko, kaya mas lalo ko na hindi nadadala.

wala lang. nanghihinayang lang ako sa memories. LU2 na kasi eh, next year 'tunay na med' na. medyo hiwa-hiwalay na rin kami, at masasabi ko ngayon na mahalaga sakin yung bawat memory (short-term or long-term haha) na magagawa ko with imed. kahit most of those memories ay acads-related, iba pa rin yung pakiramdam ng memories with people who share the same goal, to be a doctor.

i feel like i have a lot of catching up to do. again, not in the acads part. i want to catch up with other people. feeling ko kasi i tend to focus so much on my life, na para bang nalalampasan na ako nung opportunities to learn from others. and to do that, i must interact with them/you. and to interact with them/you kailangan friends kami/tayo. kaya pagpasensyahan nyo na pag minsan FC (feeling close, in case you don't know what that means) ako. kahit hindi lahat ng oras masaya kami, mahal ko pa rin ang 2015.

halata bang bum mode ako ngayon? hehe. saka na lang si hyman, pagtapos ko mag-emo. joke. wala lang. inieexercise ko lang ang aking limbic system.

basta dapat magsusulat/magrerecord na ako ulit. tapos pics. gusto ko ng bagong cam. haha. at gagawa ng more meaningful memories with imed.

PUBLIC ADVISORY:
hoy mga friendliness! miss ko na kayo. alam nyo na kung sino kayo.

isa pang PUBLIC ADVISORY:
happy birthday Marianne! miss na kita! labyu. :)

ayan. babay.

the irony

2009-08-17T08:46:00.000-07:00

minsan talaga dumadating yung point sa buhay mo na narerealize mong iba na yung pinaniniwalaan mo ngayon sa pinaniniwalaan mo dati. alam kong mas tama yung dati, pero mas masaya ako sa ngayon. may part na namimiss ko yung dati kong 'paniniwala' kasi noon hindi pa komplikado ang lahat. pag may tanong ako, nasasagot at nakukuntento ako. pag di naman masagot, ayos lang rin kasi naniniwala naman ako sa Kanya eh. blind faith ba yun?

iniisip ko tuloy kung bakit ako lumayo sa Kanya. kasi kung alam ko yung rason, pag naalis ko yung harang na yun, edi ok na lahat. ang kaso, hindi ko alam. wala naman daw tupang naligaw tapos di nakabalik. how i wish ganun lang yun kasimple.

may point din na naenlighten na ako. yung tipong 'babaguhin ko na yung buhay' ko.. then poof! it became koko crunch. may nangyari tapos parang natabunan lahat ng enlightenment ko.

pag dating sa paggawa ng mga supposedly maling bagay, depende naman yan sa kung gaano kalupit ang diyos mo (take note: small d). yun ay kung may takot ka sa diyos na pinaniniwalaan mo.

ewan. hindi siguro lahat ng alam kong utos Niya ay utos Niya talaga. yung iba siguro dun misinterpretation na lang ng mga tao. after all, tao pa rin naman sila.. tayo. o baka gusto ko lang mabawasan yung pagka-mali nung mali ko.

mukhang matagal pa ulit bago ko makapag-isip ng mga ganito. maiintindihan naman siguro Niya na kailangan ko munang ipostpone ang pagmumuni-muni ko kasi toxic na uli ang mundo.

p.s. wala lang yan. isa yang malaking inside joke na Siya at ako lang ang makakagets. :)

the irony

2009-08-17T08:40:00.000-07:00

MCR's Drugs

2009-08-05T00:17:00.000-07:00

MCR's Kiss The Rain

2009-08-05T00:14:00.000-07:00

MCR's Death Before Disco

2009-08-05T00:11:00.000-07:00

Paramore + No Doubt. cool. :)

2009-08-05T00:05:00.000-07:00

song for him

2009-03-26T04:24:00.000-07:00

You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift

You're on the phone with your girlfriend, She's upset
She's going off about something that you said
She doesnt get your humour like I do

I'm in the room, its a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesnt like
And she'll never know your story like I do

But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're lookin for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Walkin the streets with you in your worn out jeans
I cant help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on the park bench thinkin to myself
Hey isnt this easy?

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I havent seen it in awhile, since she brought you down
You say you find I know you better than that
Hey, Whatcha doing with a girl like that?

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standin by, waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Oh I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry
I know your favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams
I think I know where you belong. I think I know it's with me.

Can't you see that I'm the one who understand you?
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standing by or waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that
You belong with me
You belong with me

Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me
You belong with me

wala lang. :))

happy

2009-02-08T02:21:00.000-08:00

salamat sa y!m. grabe. this is my happiest night in three weeks. "nakausap" ko ulit ang mga taong pinakanakakakilala sa akin. kahit hindi ko sila madalas nakakasama, nararamadan kong mahal nila ako. :) salamat friends. iba talaga effect niyo sakin. kita niyo, napasulat tuloy ako ng blog.

i really feel like... myself. alam kong wala akong tinatago kapag kayo ang kasama/kausap ko.

i love you friends. i love ym's computer call rin. :)

MCR is back! :)

2009-02-07T21:13:00.000-08:00

Desolation Row - My Chemical Romance

They made this Bob Dylan cover for the soundtrack of the movie, Watchmen. :)

unsent letter

2009-01-17T22:21:00.000-08:00

haha. hindi ko alam kung bakit naiisip ko na naman pagtatapat, gaya ng ginawa ko dati. binigla ko yung isang tao nung sabihin ko sa kanyang gusto ko siya. sinabi ko yun pagkatapos kong ipakita sa kanya yung pinaghirapan kong collage na puro mukha niya. haha. nakakatawa kaya yung reaksyon niya nun. dapat nga ipapakita ko sa kanya yung private multiply album ko, na puro mukha niya kaso sabi niya wala raw siyang multiply.. so ayun, ginawa kong collage tapos inupload ko sa isang file hosting site. nagIM ako sa kanya tapos binigay ko yung link nung picture. sa ym ako nagtapat. hahaha. at kahit ngayon hindi ko pa rin maisip kung bakit ko yun ginawa. kaya nga naguguluhan ako ngayon kasi nafifeel ko na namang ulitin siya. ayoko naman kasing malalaman mo na 'ginusto' kita, mas maganda yung malaman mong 'gusto' kita. wala kasing thrill pag tapos na.

pero matalino ka naman, hindi ako naniniwalang hindi mo pa alam. kung yung mga ibang tao nga napansin nila, at wala na akong ibang nagawa kundi aminin, ikaw pa kaya. pwede rin namang ayaw mo lang pansinin. o pwede ring ayaw mong maniwala. o pwede ring ayaw mo. [period!] ewan ko. kahit marami tayong napapag-uusapan, malamang hindi yun kasali di ba? haha. hindi naman ako makakaramdam ng ganito kung hindi ka iba eh. iba sa paraang maganda, hindi iba as in weird. unang pagkakaiba ay ikaw pa lang talaga yung naging inspirasyon ko. yung tipong pag inisip kita, mapapapaaral talaga ako. hindi yun sapilitan gaya dati na kelangan ko pang sabihin sa sarili ko na mag-aral para mapatunayang yung taong gusto ko ay inspirasyon at hindi sagabal. marami pang ibang pagkakaiba. hindi ka drummer, hindi ka artista, hindi ka gitarista, hindi ka gwapo, hindi ka cute, hindi ka kwela. ikaw na ang pinakanormal o pinakapayak o pinakasimple na nagustuhan ko. pero yung pinakagusto kong kinaiba mo ay yung totoo ka. masaya ako na lahat ng nakikita ko sayo ay totoo, na bahagi ka ng mundo ko. ibig kong sabihin, naaabot kita. nakakausap. nakikita.

nabanggit ko nga na pumapasok na naman sa isip ko yung pagtatapat, pero asa namang gawin ko yun. nasa katinuan pa naman ako. at kahit ngayon ko lang naramdaman yung ganitong nararamdaman ko, hindi pa ako handang ipahiya ang sarili ko. totoo nga siguro yung sabi nung mga baraha, na takot akong pumili. siguro ito na yung pagpipilian ako, kung sasabihin ko o hindi. kung tutuusin hindi naman kailangan eh, wala naman akong gustong mangyari. gusto ko ganito lang. baka kaya ko 'to sinulat para dito ko ituon yung naiisip kong pagtatatapat. o baka masyado lang kitang iniisip. ewan.

nalampasan ko na yung bahagi ng kakornihan. ganun naman parati pag nagkakagusto sa isang tao, bigla-bigla nagiging korni. tapos na ako dun. hindi na ganun kababaw yung nararamdaman ko para masabing "ikaw ang nagbibigay ng ngiti sa aking puso" o "sa araw-araw, ang nagpapabangon sa akin ay yung ideya na makikita kita ulit". pag binabalikan ko yung mga panahong nasabi ko yun habang iniisip kita, nandidiri ako. sa ngayon, ang dialog ko ay, "dahil sa'yo kakayanin ko ang pitong taon"

ilalagay ko 'to sa blog ko para pag nabasa mo, baka bigla mong mapagtanto na minsan kasi kahit hindi ka na lumingon, makikita mo yung hinahanap mo. nakakatawa lang isipin na kahit anong pilit kong tigilan, kung kailan mawawala na, saka ka naman nagbibigay ng rason para ipagpatuloy ko. parating ganun. sana sa susunod na pagkakataong sasabihin ko sa sarili kong "wag na", sayo na galing yung rason. ikaw mismo ang magpapakita sakin na wala namang patutunguhan yung nararamdaman ko.

basta babawiin kita. haha. nagseselos ako. kadiri.

sige, yun lang muna, gagawa pa ako ng chemlab report .

frog at crap

2009-01-09T18:09:00.000-08:00

ayan na ang pamalit ko sa f*ck.

nakakainis. ang tanga ko. kahapon kasi pumunta ako sa makati shang mag-isa. umalis ako pagkatapos agad ng class so mga 5:30 nasa may glorietta na ako. nagpalibot-libot muna ako dun para magpalipas ng oras, hanggang tawagan ako ng mga friends ko na malapit na sila. mula dun sa part ng music one at powerbooks, pumunta ako sa kabilang side, sa may sm. nadaanan ko yung car show sa ground floor.

tapos ngayon, pumunta ako sa bloomfields forums, nakita kong 6pm kahapon tumugtug sila for the car show! dun mismo sa glorietta! nagpalibot-libot lang ako, sinayang ko ang pagkakataong mapanood ulit si rocky collado. waaaaaah. sad talaga. medyo late na nagstart yung debut.. sana nagstay muna ako sa glorietta at pinanood sila. kaso nga tanga ako, kaya hindi ko alam.

sad.

welcome 2009!

2008-12-31T04:56:00.000-08:00

happy new year! yey. buti hindi pa ako inaantok. ang sarap kaya matulog after kumain nang masarap. haha.

hinahamon ko ang taong 2009.. na pantayan ang lahat ng naidulot sa akin ng taong 2008. baka ako lang ang ganito ang pananaw pero parang 2008 yung pinakamabilis na taon.. kasi parang ang daming nangyari sa loob ng maikling panahon. siguro dahil sa transition from high school to college. nakakatuwa makakita ng pagbabago (for better) ng ibang tao pero mas nakakatuwa pag nakikita mo yung mga pagbabago sa sarili mo.

hinahamon ko ang taong 2009.. na ipakita sa akin yung mga "bagay" na hindi naipakita ng 2008.. mga rason na hindi napagtanto, mga tanong na hindi nasagot, mga pangyayaring hindi naipaliwanag. umayos ka 2009. :)

hinahamon ko ang taong 2009.. ng bato bato pik! haha. sana maging masaya, makabuluhan (?), weird, makulit at hindi boring ang darating na taon.

hinahamon ko ang taong 2009.. na patirin ako. kasi hindi naman ako pwedeng bumangon kung hindi ako nadapa. :) sana turuan niya akong huwag sayangin ang bawat segundong ibibigay niya sa akin.

hinahamon ko ang taong 2009.. na magpapunta pa ng mas maraming bands dito sa Pilipinas. :) sana makit ko ulit ang MCR. haha.

ito ang favorite year ko. dapat. kasi ito ang year na magiginvg 17 ako.. 17 is my favorite number. haha. labo. pero "gagalingan" ko talaga ang year na ito [hindi lang 'to sa acads nag-aaply ha].

okay. ang bangag ko na. 2 AM na tapos ayoko pa matulog.
..uhmmm...

happy new year sa inyong lahat!!!!

my favorite rocky video. haha. :)

2008-12-25T15:01:00.000-08:00

satisfaction. oh yeah. :)

another rocky video

2008-12-24T15:47:00.000-08:00

here's another video of the bloomfields (pero mostly si rocy lang) playing the song na nagpaskat sa kanila.. ale. :)

Oh Rocky (aka bloomfields drummer guy) - a video

2008-12-22T20:30:00.000-08:00

ang bagal magpost ng video sa multiply kaya sa youtube na lang ako nag-post. :))

one out of the ten videos na nakuha ko kagabi (na bloomfields), ito yung the best kasi eto yung tumitingin si rocky (drummer guy) sa camera, at hindi lang siya tumitingin.. nagpoproject siya. so there. :D

last week of classes (?) for 2008

2008-12-17T23:12:00.000-08:00

week-end

i became as nerdy as i can be. nagkaroon ako ng bagong motivation sa pag-aaral. medyo naging effective siya, medyo lang kasi nanood pa rin ako ng hsm 2 sa disney channel at hindi ko agad tinapos yung bio hw. pero masipag na ako sa lagay na yun.

buong saturday, bio. sunday morning, math. sunday night, bio uli. tapos biglang ay nagtext na merong kom3 class ng 7 am. waah! nainis talaga ako kasi imbis na itutulog ko na lang, ipapasok ko pa sa kom. kamusta naman yun?

monday

good news, may chem lab! wala akong dalang lab gown at lab notebook at lab manual. may math class rin kaya talagang mas onti na ang oras kong mag-aral ng math. naghintay kami ng matagal para sa aming kom teacher na sobrang kinaiinisan ko (noon). dumating siya pero sarado parin yung classroom kasi wala pa rin yung person na magbubukas. nagspeech muna siya sa amin. humingi siya ng paumanhin para sa mga araw na hindi kami nagklase (tapos hindi niya kami nasabihan). ilang beses na rin yung pumasok kami, hada na magreport, dala ang lahat ng props.. tapos wala siya. nagulat ako nung naiiyak na siya. nagawa niyang ilahad sa amin ang isang maselang bahagi ng buhay niya, yung pagkakasakit ng kapatid niya. may cancer tapos nagmetastasize na sa buto. kaya siya parating wala kasi kailangan siya ng kapatid niya. nahiya ako. naisip kong ang close-minded ko nung naiinis ako sa kanya. di naman kami close pero naramdaman ko yung paghihirap niya dahil nakikita niyang nahihirapan yung kapatid niya. ang sama ng tingin ko sa sarili, kasi ang sama ko naman talaga. hanggang ngayon binabagabag pa rin ako ng konsiyensiya ko na nagalit ako sa kanya for no real reason.

no comment sa bio exam. medyo marami rin akong katangahan, pero ok naman siya. sana magpay-off yung ginawa kong pag-aaral.

matagal na break after ng bio bago mag chem lab. ni hindi man lang ako nakapagsagot ng isang dep-ex. habang walang ginagawa, nakipagkasundo ako sa 3 ko pang kaklase na dapat isang beses sa isang linggo ay makagawa kami ng akda (tula o maikling kwento). matagal na rin akong hindi nagsusulat. ang huli kong naisulat ng tula ay yung tulang ginamit ng maSKara nung magtanghal kami sa bantayog ng mga bayani nung 4th year. bali isa't kalahating taon na akong walang nasusulat na tula. sana kaya ko pa rin.

may chem lab. dapat. pero hindi dumating yung teacher namin hanggang walk-out time. masaya naman kasi nagkantahan kami (ang pampalipas oras ng block namin). tapos ang weird talaga kasi parang gusto kong manakit ng tao. sabi ko nga sa kanila "i feel violent" at naghahanap ako ng pwedeng punching bag. haha.

ayos naman yung math class. haha. ang cute talaga ni sir jobert.:)

tuesday

math exam na ang tagal rin bago nagsimula. lecheng signum yan. nakakainis talaga. wala na akong pag-asa maka-1.75 man lang. parang bumalik ako sa estado ko noon sa math 17, barely passing. akala ko pa naman iba na ngayon kasi naiintindihan ko na yung lesson. hindi ko yun naiintindihan nung pinag-aaralan ko sa pisay tapos ngayon gets ko na (or so i think) pero hindi pa rin sapat. haay. wala na akong magagawa kahit magrant ako ngayon kasi tapos na siya. ibinuhos ko na lag ang frustration ko sa pag eat-all-i-can. haha.

ang sarap ng mga pagkain. nakakaguilty lang kasi hindi ko na naubos yung huli kong kinuha.

tapos naging basura yung bio hw ko. haha.

pumunta ako ng rob kasama ang 2 tao para bumili ng gifts. at sucessful ako kasi nagustuhan ng mga binigyan ko yung gifts ko sa kanila.

then happiness, with bulette and kim.

umapaw sa tatlong k ang aming pagsasama: kulitan, kwentuhan, at KAIN (yan talaga yung pinakamahalaga).

wednesday = fun!

hello diliman! haha. where i belong. nung tumambay kami sa casaa, nakita namin si ramon bautista (palistuhan nescafe). tapos syempre ang dami ko uli nakitang pisay batchmates.

tapos surprise para sa bday girl sa may track oval.

tapos bonding with bandmates kim, bulette and ada (room 210) plus an honorary member. haha.

tapos sunken garden! grabe. nakakarelax humiga dun at pagmasdan ang mga ulap na mukhang painting. nafeel ko talagang i belong sa up diliman.

tapos giselle my labs!

tapos may kuyang intsik na lumapit samin at hinikayat kaming sumali sa IYF. nakakatuwa siya.

tapos alas-tres na.

lantern parade.

humiwalay na ako sa aking mga beloved friends para sumama sa parade with college of med. ang konti namin kasi halos puro LU1 at LU2 lang ang nandun taos ilang profs and admin. pero masaya kasi kahit onti kami, pinilit namin magcheer with all our hearts and souls.

ko-kolehiyo ng medisina (4x)
matatapang,matatalino walang takot kahit kanino
hindi hindi kami magnunursing
ganyan kaming mga taga-medicine

up 100, up 100
up med 103! up med 103!

a lalalala med! woo!

atbp. kahit nakakapagod, sobrang nagenjoy ako kasi nakita ko ang MGA high school crushes ko, pati yung upper year na nung 2ndyr ko pa huling nakita. grabe, gwapo pa rin siya.

pagtapos ng parade, andun lang kami sa may gilid ng univ ave, dapat manonood ng fireworks display until nagdecide nang umuwi ang mga tao. bago umuwi, sinindihan muna namin yung mga sparklers na dapat nung parade pero hindi nasindihan.

tapos uwian na.

tulog.

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hindi na ako masyadong affected ngayon. siguro nasanay na lang ako na either yung crush ko yung heartthrob o may crush siya sa isang heartthrob. makakalimutan ko rin yun/siya over the vacation kasi hindi ko siya makikita.

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friends, salamat talaga for making my day super happy. hindi ko makakalimutan yun. hindi ko alam kung kelan ko kayo ulit makakabonding nang ganun katagal pero sana mas madalas natin yun magawa. malay niyo isang araw bigla na lang uli ako sumulpot sa diliman at hindi na bumalik sa upm. haha. :)

mahal na mahal ko kayo. alam niyo yun.

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waah. mamimiss ko ang nails ko. ginupit ko siya kanina kasi kelangan ko maglaba. pero tinira kong mahaba yung sa left index finger para pag nag-gigitara ako hindi na ako gagamit ng pick.

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national anthem ko na talaga ang decode. hindi ko yun favorite song. at hindi rin ako twilight fan. pinapanood ko yung araw-araw kasi yun yung music video ng paramore na pinakamaganda at pinaka-amazing si hayley williams. yeah, she turned me into a lesbian. pero pramis, amazing talaga siya. haha.

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nakakatawa naman ang vacation ko. kasi kasama sa mga things-to-do ko ang mag-aral. may mga exams kasi kami pagresume ng classes kaya kahit bakasyon, hindi ako pwede magsayang ng oras.

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MCR! ang astig ng website nila dahil sa twitter. nakakapagpost sila ng maraming blg entries na tungkol lang sa kahit ano. gumagawa na sila ng kanilang "last album" daw (wag naman sana). pero matanda na kasi sila eh, si gerard way 32 na sa summer. sana bumalik sila dito at sana by the time na magconcert sila rito, nakaipon na ako ng pera pambili ng ticket sa VIP section. haha. lakas mangarap.

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the word "nainis" has many english translations, but for this particular instance, i'd prefer "offended". i was offended when you said that you'd rather go home by yourself. maybe it was my fault, because i offended you first by saying that i am braver than you are. i didn't mean it that way. all i wanted to say was there's nothing to be afraid of. i am sorry if i have offended you. i didn't take the "alternative" route home for the sake of taking it. i just didn't want you to go home alone. that't wahtfriends do, righ? ti think you're insensitive. you could have told me the "hey, it's okay. i can go home alone. i know the way." statement in a subtler manner. why did you have to ask why? i mean, isn't it obvious that i was simply concerned about you? if i was not offended, i would have had dinner with you. luckily, i met one of my best friends when i rode the jeepney home. we had fun window shopping.. so after all, i have something to thank you for. :)

okay.. must stop now, before you deduce anything that was not supposed to be said in this message.

ayan. napa-english ako kaya ibig sabihin nainis talaga ako. haha.

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ang haba. halatang wala akong magawa.

babay.

ito ay para sa nov. 29

2008-12-05T23:35:00.001-08:00

pumunta ako sa pisay kanina, para manood ng play ng maSkara/Sindi-Katok.
nung malapit na ako sa pisay, hindi ko alam kung ano ang ieexpect ko, pero basta ang una akong naansin ay yung bagong pintura ng ombudsman. wala lang. pagpasok ko diretso na ako sa gitna ng field, kung saan sila magpeperform.o di ba? bongga! isang straight play sa gitna ng field. pagdating ko nakapalibot ng yung mga tao sa isang napakalaking chessboard (bawat square sa chessborad ay kasing laki ng isang cartolina. yung play nila ay entitled Qui Bono. kahit nung nasa SK pa ako, pangarap na namin maitanghal yung Qui Bono kasi standard na siya. dapat parating may ganun. pero kaya siya nagiging pangarap na lang para sa mga dumaang batches ng katok (members) ay dahil mahirap siyang gawin. bali ang kwento nun ay isang chess game. pero ang mga chess pieces ay tao, may damdamin, nagsasalita, pumapatay, nanlilinlang, lumalandi, nagpapapansin, umiiyak, gumaganti, nanliligaw, nagyayabang, atbp. so syempre sa chess,black vs white pero marami pa yung sub-plots. bawat chess piece may personality. pero yun nga, chess game siya. so may mga nagsasabi pa rin ng "white knight to e5" mga ganyan. tapos gagalaw yung chess piece sabay arte. pinipilit ko siya idescribe as vividly as possible kasi gusto ko pag binalikan ko ang blog entry na ito, maalala ko yung mga napanood ko kanina. gaya nga ng nasabi ko,pangarap namin na makapagtanghal ng Qui Bono kaya sobrang halaga nun para sa akin, na isa nang alukatok. nostalgic. grabe. hindi naman yun yung first time ko pumunta sa pisay pagkatapos ng grad, pero pag pumupunta kasi ako madalas tapos na ang klase at wala nang tao. iba kanina, kasi school fair. kahit karamihan sa mga nakita ko ay hindi ko kilala, ang mahalaga nakasama ko ulit yung mga katok. :) sobrang na-miss ko talaga ang pag-arte. ngayon, nagagawa ko na lang umarte kapag may gusto akong itago ng emosyon, o kaya pag naisip ko biglang mang-trip ng ibang tao at lokohin na galit ako sa kanila. hanggang dun na lang. hindi kagaya nung high school na napakalaking parte ng buhay ko ang pag-arte, at pagtuturo nito sa mga magiging katok (batok = applicant). namiss ko talaga yung pag workshops. may certain hype ako nararamdaman pag umaarte ako. minsan hindi ko na iniisip masyado yung ginagawa ko, hinahayaan ko na lang yung talento ko na ihayag yung kung anong gusto kong masabi at mapakita. nostalgic rin siya dahil nakita ko ulit yung mga ka-batch kong naging katok. sila yung mga kasama kong napagsasarhan na ng caf kasi ayaw tumigil sa daldalan, mga kasama kong magcram ng play sa loob ng isang araw. mga kasama kong naging batok na tinuruan/inalipin ng mga katok na nauna sa amin. naranasan ko uli yung mga "rituals" ng club namin. grabe. kahit na ang layo ng pisay mula rito sa tondo, super worth it naman yung napanood ko kanina. i am so proud to be a katok. oh well, hindi naman kasi active yung theatre club sa upm, nakalimutan ko na nga pangalan nila eh. pero kung sakaling active man sila, hindi pa rin pwede kasi malamang wala na akong time. ang point ko lang, napakahusay talaga ng SK at super namiss kong umarte.

tapos may nakita rin akong batchmates. tapos nakita ko yung crush ko nung first year, at nung 2nd-3rd year, at nung first part ng fourth year. :D alam niyo kung sino kayo. haha. ang "cute" pa rin ni 2nd-3rd yr crush. may nakita rin akong ilang teachers. si mam R na adviser ng SK ngayon ay seksi pa rin, magaling pa umarte. si sir mardan artistahin pa rin.

sana mabigyan ulit ako ng chance na umarte paminsan-minsan, kahit mga classroom play lang and stuff masaya na ako. or pag doktor na ako, hahanap pa rin ako ng oras para maging magaling na theatre actress. ayoko maging artista (as in yung sa showbiz) kasi magulo yun. kuntento na ako na makapagperform sa CCP as a pro, kahit extra lang ako sa play. sa ngayon, pangarap na lang muna ang mga yan. kailangan ko ibigay ang 110% ko sa pag-aaral para maging doktor. wala pa kasi ako nung "epiphanic moment" na masasabi kong "oh shit, gusto ko na talaga maging doktor. i'm a doctor, or nothing at all" mga tipong ganun. sana nga dumating na rin ang moment na yun.

nang ako ay mag minor breakdown sa kfc. haha.

2008-12-05T23:35:00.000-08:00

nawala na ang cellphone ko. sorry sa mga nagtext mula nung thursday. after ng PE class namin siya nawala. nakakalungkot talaga kasi ang tanga ko. ginamit ko pa siya nung PE class tapos hindi ko na namalayan kung saan ko nailagay. nalaman ko lang na wala na siya 1 hour after ng dismissal namin. grabe. ang laki talaga ng problemang yun kasi panglimang cellphone ko na yun na nawala nula high school. tapos wala pa siyang 2months sa akin. grabe talaga. ang tanga ko. wag niyo na lang intindihin pag may nagtext sa inyo gamit ang number ko, kasi malamang hindi na sa akin galing yun. tapos lahat ng mga teachers, org heads etc ay dun nagtitext (kasi blockhead ako). haay. hindi ko alam kung paano kokonsiyensyahin yung taong kumuha nun para naman ibalik niya. kailangan ko talaga yun.

eto na siguro ang week na pinaka-emotionallly unstable ako. napakaraming nangyari. may mga masasaya, may malulungkot, may nakakainis (gaya ng pagkawala ng cellphone ko), may nakakagulat gaya ng pagkasunog ng PH building, may nakakakilig (haha), at maraming nakakaiyak. stress na sa acads, stress pa sa things other than acads. waaah. at kung may isang salitang maglalarawan ng week na ito, yun ay ang salitang "grabe". grabe talaga.

buti na lang mababait yung mga nakakasama kong mga tao, natatagalan pa nila ako.

mahirap rin pala yung pipilitin mong maging malakas para sa iba kasi minsan sa sobrang pagkukunwari mong maging malakas, lalong lumalalim yung kung ano mang kahinaan mo. advantage nga yung marunong akong umarte, nakakaya kong ipakita kahit yung pinaka-kabaligtaran ng nararamdaman ko. pero siyempre hindi ko pa rin maloloko yung sarili ko, at pag natauhan na ako.. nako, disastrous.

sabi sakin ng isang kaibigan,"May mga ginagawa si God na hindi man niya ibigay sa time na gusto mo, ibibigay niya sa time that would make sense." siguro nasa akin na lang kung hahanapin ko pa yung "sense" na yun o panghahawakan ko na lang yung paniniwala kong hindi Niya ako pababayaan. :)

additions..

2008-11-09T04:59:00.000-08:00

to my previously posted wish list of MCR merch. haha.

the "Plague" hoodie

(designs of mikey way, bob bryar, ray toro, and frank iero)

(gerard way's design)

Day of the Dead Masks

(designed by the band members)

can't sleep

2008-10-24T10:33:00.000-07:00

bumalik na naman ako sa pagiging smallville freak. haha. hindi ako natulog kasi hinintay kong matapos yung pagdownload sa torrent ng s08e06. grabe. ilang bese na akong humiga, pero may something na pumipilit sakin na bumangon at tingnan kung ilang percent na. my fan self. so i had to find ways to spend my time... habang hinihintay ko matapos [as of now 97.8% na siya].. halimbawa na nga ay ang blog entry na ito. ayoko naaaaaaaaaaaa. bangag na ako. haha.

haha. tawa na lang.

2008-10-15T14:48:00.000-07:00

it's been so long since i have posted a "serious" blog entry.. i always seem to say this everytime i blog because most of my entries are just MCR-related.

so yesterday, i've been to a point where i had to tell myself to stop crying, but i couldn't. after that really unfortunate event, i went home with my blockmate mae. i kept on ranting about how i could have had this grade, because i really prepared for the finals. i even practiced explaining, in front of the mirror, so that i know how i look and that i would look "intelligent". i deprived myself of sleep, i stopped playing SIMS 2, i went to study groups, all for the reason that i was so determined to give the philo finals my best shot. after all, it was the only time i took the subject seriously. not once did i curse that subject, i even thought of dropping it. the point is, i felt soooooo bad. i was irritated, disappointed, really pissed off. i had to hide it until i got home. i didn't want my classmates to see me cry just because of that. i went straightly to my room, locked the door and cried. for the loss of a more descriptive word, i have to say "humagulgol ako". i couldn't tell the whole story because some people haven't taken the finals, yet.

like i have said during our last meeting in philo, you only have yourself to blame each and every time you fail. also, one of the things i have learned from MCR is that someday, i'm gonna be alone, having only myself to lean on.. so i would have to learn how to be less dependent. i shouldn't have depended on the list of topics given by my classmates, it was INCOMPLETE. i guess you already have a hint why i didn't get i grade i prepared for.

i have this tendency to blame myself every single time i have a misfortune.. like if i lost something that is really important to me, or i missed my favorite show, or when things are going so bad i would just want the ground to open and swallow me whole. i always believe that God is punishing me because of my "sins", so He sends the air of misfortune to topple down the house of cards that i built. last night, i looked deeper into myself to see what "sin" might have caused my misfortune and i realized that i have a lot to be punished for. it was a kind of relief because at least i have made up an answer to the question "why?"..why all these things are happening to me. simply put, i believe in karma.. and it wasn't enough to console me.. so this blog entry comes in.

see? i'm even incoherent. maybe i'm still feeling bad. i just hope that what happened to me woudn't happen to any other person. my last piece of advice would be:

STUDY EVERYTHING. specially those topics not included in the pointers for review.

*nosebleed* grabe, english yun ah.:))

part 2-4

2008-09-21T03:16:00.001-07:00

part 1-4

2008-09-21T03:16:00.000-07:00

wish list (adik mode)

2008-08-30T23:41:00.000-07:00

ito ang mga gutso kong bilhin na MCR merch.. kaso wala nito nung pumunta sila sa Pilipinas. at wala naman akong credit card para makabili sa MCR Online Store. kaya eto na lang.. kung sakaling may magmagandang-loob na pagbigyan ang aking kahilingan.. eto sila.

the "I Destroy You" shirt

the "Coffin" shirt

the "Le Fleur" shirt

the "Nuclear" hoodie

the "Piper" shirt

wala lang. nahahalata na naman ang pag-aadik ko. kahit ang dami kong kelangan gawin, nakuha ko pang magpost ng mga ganito.

good luck na lang sa akin.

babay.

new gee way quote

2008-08-30T23:23:00.000-07:00

Yeah, obviously we use vampires as a metaphor for something else, something deeper than just the supernatural. But there's just something about the bloodsucking walking dead, that can say so much to people. There are really so many people trying to get control over you on a daily basis and steal your soul in some way, take a part of you...

ahaha. sosyal. :D

proud ako. sobra.

2008-08-24T18:38:00.000-07:00

o ayan. di lang sa music malupit si gerard way.

The Umbrella Academy" Wins Eisner Award at Comic Con 2008

Gerard Way and Gabriel Ba's comic series "The Umbrella Academy" has already made waves in the comic community. Far from being the vanity project of such celebrities as Courtney Love, Avril Lavigne and professional wrestler Kevin Nash, Way's comic garnered fantastic critical reviews, intense sales numbers (the first printing of the first issue sold out so quickly a second printing was issued less than a month later) and has already generated movie buzz, which Gerard confirmed in a recent interview.

But yesterday at the 2008 Comic Con in San Diego, CA, TUA was honored with the Eisner Award for Best Limited Series.

Gerard Way talks with the awesome Blair Butler of G4's Fresh Ink

Congratulations to Gerard, Gabriel, and the entire Umbrella Academy Team.

Source: http://newageamazon.buzznet.com/user/journal/2746041/umbrella-academy-wins-eisner-award/

another busy week..

2008-08-24T18:02:00.000-07:00

waw. sinisipag na naman ako magblog. sana ganito rin ako sa komblog ko na walang laman.

monday..

so dapat walang pasok,pero nsa upm ako kasi dapat magpapraktis kami ng play sa kom. pero as expected, ang tagal dumating ng mga tao.. so nakipagdaldalan muna ako sa mga tao na unang dumating. nung dumami na, nagsagawa kami ng palihan haha.workshop yun. tapos wala lang, simple lang.una pinaarte ko sila ng kung ano-ano nang nakapikit tapos yung greatest fear at greatest desire. feeling ko naman nag-enjoy yung blockmates ko. syempre may takot sa ipis, may takot maholdap, may takot bumagsak sa math. merong gusto yumaman, gusto magbigay ng gift sa crush niya, sumulat ng aklat, mameet ang idol niya (sino kaya 'to?). nakapraktis naman kami kahit pano. kahit bangag kami lahat,di makakalimutan 'tong experience na 'to. haha.

tuesday..

taebo! giselling tingalingaling! super namiss ko ang pagtaebo natin pag bago magprom. haha. naaalala kita kaya talagang give na give ako sa pagtaebo nung mga panahong yun. labyu. miss na kit. sana mabasa mo ito.

naalala ko lang, nagnerd talk kami nung lunch. nakakatuwa pala mag-nerd talk ang imed. mas malupit kesa sa mga pisay. haha. natsci. nagquiz kami tapos ayos naman. pero nakakainis kasi yung ibang tinanong sa quiz feeling ko irrelevant. tapos ang sama ko kasi ginaya ko yung ginagawa ko dati kay mam boni.. naglilista ako ng "words of wisdom". alam niyo na yun. plunts. tapos may isang taong feeler. dati lang yun, hindi ngayon.

wednesday

ang aga ko kaya kasi dapat,agpapraktis ng fight scene sa play namin pero walaring nagawa. tapos nagdaldalan na lang yung mga tao. at hanggang ngayon hindiko pa rin makalimutan ang joke na ito: A family that prays together. (pause).. only has one rosary. :D (credits to ther corniest person sa imed). nstp namin si tita berba. wala lang. nakakakuha ako ng prize na gas mask at cap. sabi nila bedsheet at kulambo ko na raw yun. at meron rin palang bag na hindi ko alam kung pano ikabit/isuot. haha. tapos daming freebies like hand sanitizer and button pin.

then walang IPC kaya praktis dapat ng play. eto sobrang nainis ako. ang linaw kasi ng sabi ko sa kanila (block13) na pumunta sa LT (parang 3rd flr audi ng CAS) ng 1pm. natapos na kami maglunch ng mga kasama ko sa GAB para malapit na at makapunta ng maaga sa meeting place nang malaman namin na hindi tuloy yung quiz bee na sasalihan ng 2 reps namin. so talagang dapat magpraktis na. nabulok na ako sa paghihintay, wala pa rin mga blockmates ko. nakailang mura na ako dahil sa sobrang inis. sabi namin tutulong na lang kami sa paggawa ng stuff parasa ladymed (nanaya ko na ipapaliwanag kung ano 'to), kaya pupunta dapat kami adriatico.. sa 6th floor nun yung may playground. humabol yung isa pa naming kasama. nung andun na kami, since onti lang kami nag photo shoot na lang kami. as in. pang-detox namin yun. tapos uber lakas pa ng hangin so may effect talaga siya (advice: wag kayong magsusuot ng maluwag na blouse pag mahangin). tapos nung magsawa na kami sa photo shoot naglaro na lang kami ng "i wanna be a tutubi". alam niyo bang may version nun na "... nanggaling sa mountain!"? haha. sosyal. nung aakyat na kami sa condo ng isapa naming kaklase, nakasalubong namin yung mga iba pang block13 na hindi pumunta ng prac at sinungitan ko talaga sila. as in sungit.. haha. pero totoo yun. then gumawa kami ng flowers, feathers atbp. "nag-overdose" ako ng donuts. nahiya tuloy ako dun sa bumili.

ang hirap pala pag nagkakaroon ng conflict sa class.. i mean pag hindi nagkakasundo lahat. feeling ko kelangan namin mag-open forum or bull session one of these days and dapat hindi lang yung class.. may "outside force" dapat.

narealize ko rin na hindi ako marunong mag-tango. hanggang conan lang ako. haha.

"ayoko ng MCR, di ako fan"..."i don't care! so what? fan ako!" sobrang daming beses na itong naulit.. haha. at di nagbabago ang sagot ko. pero minsan meron pang..."mahal ko sila eh, wala kang magagawa!" hanggang kailan kaya ako ganito? :P

thursday

nasobrahan ako ng tulog. nalate tuloy ako. as in sobrang late hindi na ako pinasign sa attendance, in short.. absent. tapos wla lang, ang girly ng suot ko, haha. sobrang wala ako samood mag-aralo magquiz. nahiya ng ako sa math teacher namin kasi alam kong nakatulog ako nang dilat. yung tipong nakatulala na lang ako tapos hindi ko na tinitignan yung sinusullat ko. waah. kom, praktis lang. philo, so depressing. nakakadepress na nga yung score ko sa midterms kasi as in onti na lang bagsak na tapos nag-gerard way mode pa yung teacher namin.. yung bawat salita/sentence kinakabitan ng fakk. hay nako. tinawanan ko na lang siya.

nagMSU (med caf) muna kami. tapos nalungkot ako kasi "not available" yung favorite ko dun sa coffee dispenser. nagkape at ice cream na lang ako. dun ko na naramdaman yung unti-unting panghihina/depression etc. ang hirap ipakita kasi alam kong dapat kong iencourage ko ang block namin na galingan sa play dahil ako ang blockhead at director. hulikaming nagperformkaya napanood muna namin lahat. nahiya ako sa sarili ko. sorry sa mga makakabasa nito na block 13 pero sobrang nadisappoint ako sa sarili ko kasi ito na yung pinakabanong production na nagawa ko ever. pakiramdam ko biglang wala na akong alam sa teatro. parang nahiya ako sa maSKara. di nyo ko magigets, i know. for someone who loves acting so much, mahirap para sa akin na tanggapin na ganito lang yung nagawa ko. inisip ko rin, baka naman masyado lang mataas yung expectations ko sa sarili ko..pero hindi talaga. nababanuan lang talaga ko sa sarili ko. sorry kasi parang nilail-lait ko na rin yung ginawa NATIN, pero i am saying this with regards to my contribution to the play. but... isa malaking BUT naka3rd place tayo! :D kasi tatlo lang naman yung sumali. :P

then, todo cram na ang mga tao. nakakatuwa nga yung mga 2014 kasi concerned sila sa progress namin. kung hindi siguro sila nakialam, hindi magiging "maayos" yung production namin sa ladymed. andun lang kami sa playground ng adriatico hanggang mapagsarhan kami ng ilaw. masaya naman kasi sort of bondng time rin siya, pero hindi ganun kasaya pag naiisip mong may mas maganda pa sanang magagawa kung nung simula pa lang maayos na.

nakitulog akosa aking kaapelyido.. nina! plano namin wag matulog kaso hindi ko kinaya. nagkwentuhan lang kami habang nanonood ng tv. isa siyang tao na hindi ako nag-aalinlangan magshare. sana mas marami pang ganun sa imed. hehe.

friday

ladymed day. kalahati ng araw ginugol namin ni nina sa pagsama sa dalawa pa namin kaklase sa divisoria. nanghinayang ako kasi wala akong pera.. ansaya sana magshopping nun. ang hirap maghanap ng pito.. in fairness. tapos dinala ako ni nina sa langit ng mga artsy-fartsy people. langit siya talaga. dun namin nabili yung malulupit na pins na umiilaw. tapos nun, gawa gawa gawa practice practice practice. then ladymed.

mahaba ang kwento/comments/rants ko sa ladymed. it's for a separate entry.

un lang muna,

babay.

Honey This Mirror Isn't Big Enough For The Two Of Us - MCR

2008-08-16T18:04:00.000-07:00

they actually have a song with my name. oh yeah. pero hindi ito ang fave ko.

my favorite-est version of helena

2008-08-16T17:49:00.000-07:00

andami ko sinabi di ko alam ita-title..

2008-08-16T17:03:00.000-07:00

grabe, hindi na ako marunong magblog. hehe. wala lang. feeling ko lang walang kwenta ang blog kong ito pati yung sa kom. dati naisip ko nga dadalasan ko na magblog para maging updated pa rin yung mga fans.. este friends ko sa mga happenings sa buhay ko. oh well, ganyan talaga, busy na eh. i can feel it. i can feel intarmed na talaga. haha.

wala lang. nung friday nag-emo look ako as in all-black with thick eyeliner. supposedly, napagkasunduan na ganun kami lahat. ako naman,pumatol dun sa idea. haha. hindi ako sang-ayon kapag sinasabing emo ang MCR kasi galing na rin kay gerard way, "emo is shit".. he refers to the whole notion of all-black clothes, lyrically-lame songs, "singing songs that make you slit your wrists", self-mutilation etc. i super agree with him kaya kahit nung MCR concert, di ako nagblack. so nung friday ang first time ko. inaabangan ko talaga kung ano yung magiging reaksyon ng mga kaklase ko, pero ang tumatak talaga ay yung reaksyon ng mga tao na hindi ako kilala, in short, yung mga nakakita sa akin nung nagcommute ako. may mga kilay na tumataas, may mga nagbubulungan. may masama ang tingin. may natakot. basta,alam kong napansin talaga nila ako.. which is the whole point of the people who succumb to that kind of emo fashion/lifestyle/outlook. siguro gusto nilang mapansin. or yung look na yun ay extension ng kung anong tingin nila sa sarili nila at sa buhay nila.. miserable, dark, purpose-less (kung may word man na ganun), o may iba namang nakikibagay lang. di ko naman sinasabing mali yun, sabi nga ng math teacher namin, the ever-diyosa mam wengky, "walang basagan ng trip". wala lang.

monday..
puchang lrt yan. leche talaga. hindi ko napigilan yung inis ko, pagpasok ko sa klase sobrang bad mood ko. umalis pa naman ako ng maaga para makapagprepare kami kasi reporting nun tapos huli pa rin ako. nawalan ako ng stored value card na 2bese ko pa lang nagagamit (katangahan ko na ito). 40 minutes akong nasa istasyon at naghihintay lang ng tren.. kung may dadating man ay sobrang puno. nung karamihan sa aming pasahero ay mainit na ang ulo,pinilit namin yung guard na papasukin na kami dun sa portion ng mga senior at disabled. kaya at last nakasakay rin ako. pero yun nga.. nakakainis talaga. so nagkaroon ako ng resolution na hindi ako sasakay ng lrt for two weeks.. hindi ko pala kaya kasi sobrang traffic. haha.

tuesday..
tapos nasayang pa yung pag-aarala ko for philo. wala lang. ang loser nung exam kasi ang haba. sa tingin ko keri yun kung mas mahaba yung time. naiintindihan ko naman yung lesson, bitch lang talaga yung exam. di tulad nung nat sci exam,kahit marami na akong mali at wala na akong chance na maka-uno,ok lang. haha. i super love sir marquez eh.

may tanong ako: kunwari nanghingi ka ng candy sa isang tao kasi nakita mo siyang kumakain ng candy tapos sabi niya wala kaya binigyan ka niya ng 5piso pambili mo ng candy.. maooffend ka ba? wala lang. nainsulto ako. sobrang poorita ko naman,parang wala akong pambili ng candy. sana hindi talaga mata-pobre yung taong gumawa sa akin nun. pero di pa rin ako makaget-over. yun na siguro yugn second most "mata-pobre" experience ko.. yung una ay nung bata pa ako.. tapos iniwan ata kami ng kapatid ko sa co-teacher ng nanay ko tapos nung nag-aabang kami ng masasakyan sabi niya samin.."dito nga lang kayo, wag kayong lumayo.. mamaya makidnap kayo at mapagkamalang mayaman, eh mga pulubi lang naman kayo.." wala lang. parang ganun din yung ginawa nung person na yun.

tapos nagdinner ako ng ice cream and donuts. haha.

wednesday..
ang cool ng nstp. nalaman kong super overweight ko na.. on the brink of being obese. tapos may kinompute kami yung may needed amt tska actual amt ng per food group. sa dairy products at meats alng ako pasado, the rest bagsak or SOBRA ako. paramg sa fats oils sugar.. zero ang required serving, i had 11 servings nung wed. grabe noh. no wonder ganito ako.

tapos feeling ko ang astig nung IPC meeting. positive thinking! yey. wala lang. natutuwa ako dun sa part na nagspeech ako na "i have what it takes to survive/finish intarmed. tapos ang happy ko kahit wala na akong masabi. napaisip tuloy ako kung i have what it takes ba talaga..

this is it. panic vs cadavers, at nanalo ang cadavers kasi required siya. sabi ng fan self ko, "dapat kasing gwapo nung cadaver si brendon urie.. kung hindi maiinis ako." pero well, that was from my fan self, kaya weird. pero hindi naman ako nadisappoint na sumama ako sa imed kasi amazing experience talaga siya. sayang nga walang battery yung digicam ko kaya sa cp cam lang ako may remembrance, tapos dahil dun nagkaron ako ng bagong driving force para pagbutihan ang aking pag-aaral(bukod sa long term goal ko na yumaman tapos mameet ang mcr).. kelangan ko makaaabot ng LU3 kasi gusto ko maranasan magdissect ng mga cadavers na yun. akala ko full of gore yung makikita namin, hindi pala. "tuyo" na yung cadavers. parang boiled meat. iniisip ko pa naman medyo reddish ganun..nakalimutan kong naembalsamo na sila tapos ang sabi pa, 1year silang nakababad sa formaline before that are ready for dissection. tapos sinubukan din namin idetermine yung gender ng cadaver pero mahirap pala. haha.

thusrday..
ewan.wala ako sa sarili ko nung thursday. dapat magkikita kami ni ate isabel,tapos nalimutan ko.. nakasakay na ako ng lrt.. nung na central terminal na ako, saka ko lang naisip na imimeet niya ko..so bumalik ako. sayang yung 30. haha. tapos yung guard ayaw siya papasukin kahit may UP id siya. bwiset talaga. ang tagal naming nagkwentuhan tapos nagmini-tour kami sa upm tapos dinala ko siya sa MSU kasi wala lang. sabi niya cute daw yung isang tao at hindi ako sumasang-ayon. haha. ang saya. wala pa kasi akong nakaka-heart2heart talk sa imed, yung makikwento mo talaga kahit ano. nasanay kasi ako dati na sobrang mahahabang daldalan sa dorm, yung parating nakikwento ko yung buhay ko, yung mga nararamdaman ko etc. ang sarap ng feeling na makipagkwentuhan ulit ng ganun kay ate isabel. tapos umuwi na kami nadaanan namin yung 2 kaklase ko na naglalaro ng tennis, sosyal. haha.

friday..
naglaba ako. sumakit yung braso ko kasi kinusot ko lang yung mga pants na ginamit ko. haha. tapos bigla kong namiss si sir nat kasi yung nilesson namin sa math17 ay naturo niya nung 3rdyr. as usual, late si sir amante tapos sinimulan namin magpraktis nung plat para sa buwan ng wika. ang kyut ng love story..kahit wala siya talagang story. haha. so habang nagparaktis kami,umandar na naman ang pagkataklesako at may nahurt akong isang person. di ko talaga napansin until nung maglunch mga tao.. hindikasi siya nagsasalita so na-guilty ako. hanggang sa next subject, hanggang matapos, hanggang hiwalay kami palabas ng building. sobrang paramoid ko kasi.. ayaw ko nang magkaroon ng kaaway. dati, halos maya-maya kugn itanong kong "galit ka na ba?" kasi paramoid nga ako. tapos yun na, may nahurt na naman ako eh dun din kasi nagsimula yung major away ko dati.. yung may nasaktan ako na hindi ko sinasadya. kaya naman ganun na lang ang pagka-guilty ko, mangiyak-ngiyak na ako. sabi ko dun sa kasama ko, hindi ako magsososori kahit nagiguilty ako kasi wala naman akong intention na masama. ay wala lang, habang nag-uusap kami ni nina lahat ng napg-uusapan namin dumating. as in yung tao. wala lang nakaktawa. tapos as it turned out, hindi ko na kinailangan i-confront yung person kasi sabay rin kami umuwi. natakot talaga ako nun. pero ready rin naman ako makipag-away kung sakali. haha.

saturday
boring.. super. nagrewrite ako ng notes. nag-edit ng script. nagsulat ng blog entry na ito. natulog. kumain. natulog. kumain. nag-imagine. umarte. natulog kumain.

random rants:

may mister donut na sa GAB! yey. matamis. haha. sori hanggang ganun lang ako, di ko keri ang krispy kreme. fats oils and sugars!

naeexcite ako. mapapanood ko na magperform ang pinapangarap kong salihan: UP Rep. magsistreet play din sila tapos kasama sa judges ng skit nayt (competition sa thu). natatakot rin ako kasi baka wala kaming binatbat sa mga kalaban namin. pero alam kong kakayanin ito ng block 13 kahit 3 days lang kami magpapraktis! keri lang. haha.:D

sana makapasok kami sa finals ng debate.. kahit malayo pa. kelangan ko talaga yung incentive na makukuha namin (kung sakali).

so ayan. halatang bored ako kasi ang haba niya. oh well.

babay.

real

2008-08-09T17:49:00.000-07:00

ito na ang real imed. honestly, ngayon ko lang nasabi na nahihirapan na talaga ako at mas mahirap na siya kaysa pisay. pero mas masaya ako nitong mga nakaraang araw, bakit kaya? :)) sana kayanin ko pa rin. dami na naman exams pero ang bano pa rin ng study habits ko. keri lang. sana wag na ko maging loser. :D

go imed. :P

"special" people

2008-07-21T01:06:00.000-07:00

#1:

well. kanina kasi ako ng isa kong kaklase kung may crush na ako sa iMed. dapat ang isasagot ko sa kanya ay, "dapat sana." kaso hindi niya magigets yun, kaya sinabi ko wala. pero wala naman talaga.

itong taong ito, ipinagdasal ko kanina paggising ko. nagpaalam ako kay Lord kung okay lang sa Kaniya na maging crush ko ang taong ito. humingi ako ng sign, simple lang naman. kapg ni-hug ako ng taong ito today, ibig sabihin ok kay Lord na siya crush ko. hehe. kaso hindi niya ako ni-hug eh, so wala. :D

at naisip kong hindiin makakabuti na magkaroon ako ng crush na kaklase ko... magsasawa ako agad. hahaha. sa upper batch na lang siguro.. or sa ibang course. :D

#2:

napasaya ako ng taong ito nang hindi niya nalalaman. parang ang OA ko nga pero kaya lang naman siguro ako masaya kasi nalaman kong peace na talaga kami. masaya kasi nagcheer siya sa akin nung handog tapos yun.. sana makausap ko na siya. kung tutuusin, ilang years ago na yung naging conflict namin.. at pakiramdam ko naman mas mature na kami ngayon kumpara sa dati.. so sana maging friends na kami. :D

#3:

sana gumaling na siya. :D

yun lang. hehe.

babay. :D

"special" people

2008-07-21T00:41:00.000-07:00

panic! concert.

2008-07-12T20:49:00.000-07:00

Panic at the Disco to Panic in the Streets of New Orleans, London

Just days after finishing the nationwide Honda Civic Tour, Panic at the Disco have announced several new live performances. Most of them will take place in the U.K. as the Pretty. Odd. rockers make the rounds of our British friends' festival circuit, after already committing to many European fests.

Their time across the pond will begin with the Glastonbury Festival on June 27, when they'll perform with such indie artists as Pete Doherty and My Morning Jacket. After a week in France and Germany, Panic will play two one-off gigs in Southampton and London before making appearances at Oxegen on July 12 and T in the Park on July 13.

If you can't make it to the UK or Europe on such short notice (and even if you can, festival tickets there are unholy expensive!), hopefully you can hold out until the end of October. Panic have also announced they'll play the Voodoo Music Experience in New Orleans, set to take place October 24-26. The festival, curated this year by Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails, will also feature Death Cab for Cutie, Tokyo Police Club, Cold War Kids and Dashboard Confessional. A weekend pass will set you back $115 ($450 for VIP), but never fear: a percentage of the proceeds from the festival is traditionally donated to New Orleans-centric charities.

If traditional tours are more your style, there are rumors of a fall tour with Bloc Party and Jack's Mannequin, but no dates have yet been confirmed.

Panic at the Disco tour dates:

6.21: ScheeBel, Germany @ Hurricane Festival
6.22: Neuhausen, Germany @ Southside Festival
6.23: Wuppertal, Germany @ Eins Live Radiokonzert
6.24: Arendal, Norway @ Hove Festival
6.26: Utrecht, Netherlands @ Tivoli
6.27: Glastonbury, UK @ Glastonbury Festival
6.28: Paris, France @ NRJ Festival
7.1: Bochum, Germany @ Matrix
7.2: Frankfurt, Germany @ Batschkapp
7.3: New York, NY @ "Live From Abbey Road" (TV taping)
7.4: Paris, France @ Parc Des Nordes
7.6: Wertcher, Belgium @ Rock Wertcher
7.7: Southampton, UK @ Guildhall
7.8: London, UK @ Astoria
7.10: Madrid, Spain @ Palacio de los Deportes
7.12: Naas, Ireland @ Oxegen
7.13: Kinross, UK @ T in the Park
8.3: Singapore @ Singfest
8.4: Kuala Lumpur, Kuala Lumpur @ Stadium Niagara
8.7: Seoul, South Korea @ Summerbreeze
8.9: Tokyo, Japan @ Summer Sonic Festival
8.10: Osaka, Japan @ Summer Sonic Festival
8.12: Hong Kong, China @ Asia World Expo
8.14: Manila, Philippines @ Araneta Coliseum
8.17: Senayan, Jakarta @ Indoor Tennis
8.20: Brisbane, Australia @ Entertainment Centre
8.22: Sydney, Australia @ Acer Arena
8.23: Melbourne, Australia @ Rod Laver Arena
8.25: Adelaide, Australia @ Entertainment Centre
8.27: Perth, Australia @ Burswood Dome
8.30: Auckland, New Zealand @ Vector Arena

nag-paplug lang...pwede ring nagmamakaawa na sa paghingi ng donasyon pambili ng ticket.. :D

labo 2..

2008-06-30T02:16:00.000-07:00

lalabas na ang The Black Parade Is Dead! bukas. wala lang. wala kong pambili. :(( kung may mabibilhan man ako...

labo

2008-06-30T02:07:00.000-07:00

ayan. di ba? ewan ko sayo. pero hindi pa kita crush kasi hindi pa ako kinikilig.. pero nasasaktan na ako. anu ba yun? labo. :((

// joke lang yan. gusto ko lang ng isyu. hahaha.

mixed

2008-06-24T01:41:00.000-07:00

emotions.

inggit

waaaah. shet. fakk fakk fakk. kasi yung kaklase ko, sinendad niya ako ng link ng isang video ng mcr na tumutugtog sa isang bday party. nung una akala ko, private thing talga yun, ay super yaman nung celebrant. after reading almost a thousand comments dun sa video, nalaman kong cancer survivor pala yung girl.. tapos naka-wig lang siya. nainis nga ako kasi parang wala lang sa kanya yung mcr.. parang pumunta lang siya sa isang simpleng party. hello!!! lumabas kaya mula sa isang malaking cake si gerard way! and they played for an hour! fakk talaga. pero yun pala, napanood na niya yung iba niyang fave bands.. so parang okay.

i dont know if she really deserved that celebration. i'm not like other MCR fans who treat them like gods, pero parang insulto naman yun sa MCR na umalis pa sila sa tour para lang matutugan yung girl tapos ganun lang yung reaction niya. kung ako yun, ipagpapasalamat kong nagkaraoon ako ng cancer. haha. joke. kung ako yun. :))

di ako makapagreact sa kaklase kong nagshare sakin nito. baka mawirdohan sakin.

pero talagang mamamatay na ako sa inggit.

kaba

duh. auditions for mr. & ms. freshie bukas.. tapos wala pa kaming practice ni rob. ang fake ko naman kung hindi ako kinakabahan di ba. di pa naman ako professional. :D

saya

syempre. basta naman MCR ang inaatupag ko masaya ako.

lungkot

di ko alam. malungkot ako kasi wala akong load. at wala akong crush. haha. yuck.

THE PROTEST

2008-06-23T03:43:00.000-07:00

sa aking palagay, kung meron mang protesta na mas mahalaga pa kaysa EDSA Revolution, ito yun. kung alam niyo lang kung gaano ko kagustong pumunta dito.. iisipin niyo nababaliw na ako.

Tragedy is the mother of tribulation. And if you’re lucky enough, even if for a moment, those hardships can bring about a beautiful strength you never knew possible. Hannah Bond was a fellow Mcrmy soldier. Sadly, she committed suicide at the tender age of 13. Even sadder than that, her death was taken into mischievous manipulation for the better of common idiocy. Accusations of the criminal kind had been pointed at My Chemical Romance in result to Hannah’s death by the Daily Mail located in London. An “emo death cult” is what was reported to be who had lent Hannah a hand in taking her own life. Lies. Ludicrous. Protest.

Kill All Your Friends - My Chemical Romance

On May 31st, a ton of broken hearts, a few dozen more MCR fans, and a firm fist of outrage took a stand for the band that saves lives, with hopes of reclaiming the truth!

Message in hand... of their own and from any unable to attend, they... we were seen...

and heard. :)

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...revenge at a modest boil and before the march took place, the band themselves had issued this apology to the family of Hannah Bond...

We have recently learned of the suicide and tragic loss of Hannah Bond. We'd like to send our condolences to her family during this time of mourning. Our hearts and thoughts are with them.

My Chemical Romance are and always have been vocally anti-violence and anti-suicide. As a band, we have always made it one of our missions through our actions to provide comfort, support, and solace to our fans. The message and theme of our album "The Black Parade" is hope and courage. Our lyrics are about finding the strength to keep living through pain and hard times. The last song on our album states: "I am not afraid to keep on living" - a sentiment that embodies the band's position on hardships we all face as human beings. If you or anyone that you know have feelings of depression or suicide, we urge you to find your way and your voice to deal with these feelings positively.

With these words symbolizing much appreciated encouragement for our London MCRmy protesters, they rallied up in defense of the Romance.

While our soldiers took to the streets, even more adversity came about. A group of people POSING as legitimate members of the anti-scientology movement called Anonomous, disgustingly welcomed themselves on board. Neither part of Anonomous or barely a 6th grade intelligent level they did the best a shit head could. From posting pictures of horrifying pornography, filth and gore in our net community, (with intentions of shutting us down); to openly hiding within the crowd of protesters themselves.

The repulsive intrusion went on for about 2 weeks from a few days before the protest date. Surprisingly we were graced with a word from an authentic Anonomous member in which they fully detached themselves from any MCR-hate activity happening at the march or online. The letter reads as follows...

They are not real Anons, that's for sure.

As with any unrestricted movement, the Anons have been "infiltrated" by those who would bring the movement down by using the very open format of the movement against them. This is not the only case of this happening, and is seems to be that some outsiders, including some Scilons (Co$ members) are using the Anonymous name to try and do the movement in.

Some of us warned the others sometime back that this kind of thing would happen and it has. All I can say is that those people who have claimed to be from Anon and harassing Buzznet members and/or MCR fans have nothing to do with the anti-Co$ that Anonymous is involved in. Anonymous did not suddenly branch out for such a stupid purpose. Others are using the movement to hide behind and cause trouble on their own, and are a bunch of sick and very cowardly bastards.

Anon is not a group or an organization, and because of this, things like this can (and do) happen. Anonymous is a movement and it's purpose is to expose the cult known as the "Church of Scientology" for its actions and to bring about a change in its tax-exempt status. There is no "conspiracy" to harass MySpace, Facebook, Buzznet members and/or MCR fans with such stupidity. Anons don't have the time for that kind of crap... and for what purpose?

~Anonymous"

Nonetheless, there we stood.

Friends within strangers.

Heart without fear.

Strength within numbers.

and...

Stories to tell! (from our buzznet MCRmy who attended the protest)

Anotherway-

I didn't speak to them, or acknowledge their existence in any way ...oh, until one of the sick bastards touched our banner (AMAZING ROSE - THANKS HONEY!!)...then I yelled 'DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH IT, YOU CAN FUCK OFF' - wow, that made me feel better - it wasn't just about the banner - although that became a focal point for the true MCR fans - I yelled Fuck Off about the Forum, about the invasion of our privacy & the protest, and just wanted them to Fuck Off the face of the earth in general. GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR

The Banner "MCR SAVED OUR LIVES & THEY WILL SAVE YOURS" - was signed by all the real MCR fans there- I guarded it with my life to make sure non of those fuckin turds signed it - they kept circling trying to put one of their leery comments on it - but no way was I letting them fuckers near it.

Actually - they did make me laugh - just for how pathetic they were...with their crappy little cardboard signs - Rose tore up most of them and laughed in their faces - GO ROSE!!!
But the thing that made me LOL the most about them - OMG their shitty dress sense!!
Their little checked shirts and cruddy polo's - wow they looked intimidating -NOT!
They looked like the wankers they are. Totally ineffectual.
Yeah - they said we didn’t have the biggest crowd, and we didn’t make the biggest Protest in History - but we never went there to make the Daily Mail change their stance on MCR - I don’t give a fuck what the D Mail think about anything, let alone MCR - we went their to stand together, to say what we know to be true about our band, and about each other - and we had fun doing it.
It was really amazing to meet fans from Sweden who had traveled over, and fans from around this country - and of course to meet Faeriecake & sis, xfrankieroromancex, and 5daggeredhearts - yep, still too long a name Rose!!! hahaha....the fans that were there, both at Marble Arch & Derry Street - were in fine form - singing, hugging, laughing - and proving that we are NOT a fuckin suicide cult, and that the band are the complete opposite of the media portrayal of them.
The comments on our Buzznet banner are awesome - it will go to the band, along with a copy of the Buzznet Fans comments Folder...

...there was like 2 of the intruders and a bunch of followers, not saying a word - just holding up their sad little signs- which Rose kept ripping up!! hahaha....she's a mad woman!

I feel like we don't have to defend our gathering to them sick turds - I kept looking at them and thinking which one of them put all that porn, gore and racist comments onto our MCR shrine - forcing us all out for hours sometimes days...i really wanted to set them on fire (some people set the Daily Mail on fire!!)
^the paper itself NOT the office) lol

.....but as for our protest - it was peaceful (as requested) it was happy - we were there to prove MCR fans are not glum, emo, self harmers - and that was fuckin obvious to anyone watching! We didn't go to cause trouble - not like them who hide behind masks - from the sight of their clothes and hair - i swear they all have sub-human pimples!!!
The Police wouldn't allow us to march - but we took it in turns to sing our happy mcr songs outside the D Mail offices - bottom line was - we all supported each other, we all supported the band - we proved MCR fans are upbeat, happy, joyous in each others company...
_____________________
xD Gotta love her!^

faerievampyr-

When we got there, Marble Arch was full of fans, all talking, hugging and having a good time supporting the band. Anotherway want to talk to the organizer, Alison, who she was speaking to frequently online, but she wasn't there, but she was with some more protesters outside the Daily Mail offices. There was press there doing interviews too. We had been there a couple of minutes talking to people when lovemisteriouso came over, I recognized her instantly because of her blond wavy hair. We were all stood there chatting, when a giant noise came from the right of us and a huge group of fans ran over there. I went over there too, and stood on the other side of the road were the 'evil intruders'. They were dressed in V for Vendetta masks and had signs telling us to slit our wrists...

...then the 'evil intruders' arrived and I think their evilness begins and end with their porn collection because, now they were talking and discussing MCR with the fans there. After hanging around for a while, Kerrang asked if we could all gather around for a photo for the magazine, even the not so evil 'evil anons' got in the picture.
___________________________

Not all who planned to be there could. But they and the buzznet MCRmy were there in spirit... and permanent ink. ;)

With a plenty good cause on their backs...

^S.O.P.H.I.E (Stamp Out Prejudice Hatred & Intolerance Everywhere)

Sophie Lancaster was murdered on 11th August 2007 simply for the way she dressed. She was 20. Her parents have since set up the S.O.P.H.I.E fund to spread awareness of this problem, and to help prevent such things from happening in the future. You can show your support by visiting www.myspace.com/inmemoryofsophie
Wristbands are available.
_____________________________________

And lots of "Water, water, water."

After making our stand against the tabloid toiletry of the the Daily Mail, they themselves issued this statement...

"The Daily Mail’s coverage of the 'Emo' movement has been balanced, restrained and above all, in the public interest. Genuine concerns were raised at the inquest earlier this month on 13 year old emo follower Hannah Bond who had been self-harming and then tragically killed herself."

"In common with other newspapers we ran an accurate news story recording the Coroner's remarks and the parents' comments. We also published two other articles, one of which explained the background to the Hannah tragedy in calm and un-sensational language."

"The other was a first person opinion piece by a well-known writer, written from the perspective of a mother concerned for her children. We have also run two prominent page lead letters from an emo music fan and from a fan of My Chemical Romance defending their point of view."

"Our music critic admires the music of the band and publicized the band’s UK tour last year. Since this protest was announced a great deal of misinformation has appeared on the internet, much of which confuses what the Daily Mail has actually published with the comments of website readers and 'blogs' over which we have no control and which have stirred up emotions."

They added, "We note it has been pointed out by others that all this provides wonderful publicity for Warners and their impending release of My Chemical Romance's latest album."

"The Daily Mail is a broad church and is always ready to listen to the views of readers. We do, however, suggest those who want to protest or comment read everything we have published and act on fact not rumor."

Ironically the "public interest" of this London paper seems to be exposing the paper for the rubbish it is...

DAILY MAIL DIET

Nick Angel is curious to find out what will be the effects of reading nothing but the Daily Mail for a month. His only knowledge of the state of the world will be from the Daily Mail. Will he go mad?

Hannah's best friend and fellow My Chemical Romance fan spoke in defense of her friend, the protest and the band...

^"Hannah had her reasons to kill herself. It's not because she wanted to be emo. It's not because she wanted to see the Black Parade."

Revolted. Restricted. Refined. After all it's said and done, one thing's for sure...
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BN MCRmy Protest Attenders

Lovemisterioso
xmyfrankieroromancex
faerievampyr - provided videos and pictures. :)
anotherway
5daggeredhearts

^Much love and thanks to them all for standing fucking tall. This feat will certainly never be forgotten.:)

^This MCRmy movement even made it to the June issue of Kerrang Magazine. =)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

wtf.

2008-05-29T14:27:00.001-07:00

Girl, 13, hangs herself after becoming obsessed with Emo 'suicide cult' rock band

by ANDREW LEVY
Last updated at 08:45 09 May 2008

A girl of 13 killed herself after becoming obsessed with a fashion which links death with glamour, an inquest heard.

Hannah Bond hanged herself from her bunk bed with a tie after becoming an "Emo".

Emo fans wear dark clothes, practise self-harm and listen to "suicide cult" rock bands.

'Everything to live for': school student Hannah Bond hanged herself not long after showing her father the cuts on her wrists as part of her 'emo initiation'

Two weeks before her death, she started following U.S. band My Chemical Romance.

One of their songs contains the lyrics: "Although you're dead and gone, believe me your memory will go on."

Hannah, described as a model pupil, had started cutting her wrists but told her father it was part of an initiation into the Emo fashion.

Heartbroken: Ray and Heather Bond told the court their daughter had told them emo was 'just a fashion'

Coroner Roger Sykes said yesterday that Hannah's death was "not glamorous, just simply a tragic loss of a young life".

Hannah's mother Heather told the inquest she had researched the trend since her daughter's death.

"There are websites that show pink teddies hanging themselves," she said.

"She called Emo a fashion and I thought it was normal."

She added: "Hannah was a normal girl. She had loads of friends. She could be a bit moody but I thought it was just because she was a teenager."

Hannah's father Ray, a karate teacher, said: "Two weeks before, I saw the cuts. I asked her about them and she said it was an Emo initiation.

"She promised me she would never do it again."

Hannah gave her name as Living Disaster on her page on social networking website Bebo.

The page is decorated with a picture of an Emo girl with bloody wrists after slashing herself.

Another picture shows a child's exercise book scrawled with the words: "Dear Diary, today I give up. . ."

The inquest in Maidstone, Kent, heard Hannah had been with her boyfriend at a friend's house on the evening of September 22 last year.

She had been angry when she was told she was not allowed to sleep over and when she got home in East Peckham she went straight to her room, saying: "I want to kill myself."

The inquest was told Hannah had not used drugs or alcohol before her death but Vanessa Everett, her head teacher at Mascalls School, said self-harm had become commonplace among other Emo fans.

Recording a verdict of suicide, Mr Sykes said: "The Emo overtones concerning death and associating it with glamour I find very disturbing."

The Emo phenomenon began in the U.S. in the 1980s. It is a largely teenage trend and is characterised by depression, self-injury and suicide.

Followers wear tight jeans with studded belts and wristbands. Their hair is dyed black and worn in long fringes to obscure their faces.

Emo - from the word emotional - is a reference to the angst-filled lyrics and melancholy themes of the rock music central to the culture.

One of the foremost of these "suicide cult" bands is My Chemical Romance, from New Jersey.

Their first single, Welcome to the Black Parade, from the album The Black Parade, was released in 2006 and became a huge hit, going to number one in Britain.

The concept album follows the story of a character called The Patient, who dies of cancer.

The Black Parade is a nickname for the place where Emo fans believe they will go when they die.

[ako lang nag-italicize nyan for emphasis]

---------------------------

grabe. pakabasa ko nito gusto kong magmura. parang kumukulo yung dugo ko. tanga! tanga talaga yung nagsulat nito. di man lang xa nagresearch. bobo. bwiset. grrrrr. ayoko na. nasira na araw ko.

gago talaga nagsulat nyan.

para patunayan kong mali yung sinasabi niya. please pakinggan niyo ito.

tapos mali pa yung lyrics na nilagay nya, dapat "your memory will carry on.."

gago talaga. hindi journalism ang tawag dito. dapat kung journalist ka, pinapakita mo yung both sides of the story.. at sa news hindi pwede ang opinions, facts dapat. buti sana kung editorial ito.. baka irespeto ko pa yung mga opinyon nya kung mapatunayan niyang "My Chemical Romance glamourized suicide"..

first, music is not to blame. i don't think a mere song could push someone to kill herself. i feel really sorry for this girl, but maybe she had some other issues that pushed her to kill herself.

there were really funny comments to this article like

Time to blame My Chemical Romance instead of Marilyn Manson now?

- Beth, South West, 8/5/2008 0:54

Seems that none of My Chemical Romance have committed suicide.

- Carrie, Italy, 8/5/2008 4:43

...

wtf.

2008-05-29T14:27:00.000-07:00